Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
