have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize