okay pat passed out under dana's car
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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