is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
