Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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