So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
