cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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