someone get that fucking seahorse.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
