I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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