It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
