who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
