Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
