girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
