just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
