Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
