I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
