So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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