hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
