drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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