mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
