He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
