Small penises have feelings too.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
