I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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