Only a mothe r could love this liver
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I need to calm my uterus...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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