The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
So many bounce houses so little time
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize