marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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