3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
