Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
