I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
