If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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