My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
