and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
