What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
