She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
you had me at cake vodka
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
