He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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