Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
