He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
