if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
