just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
