Non-Jews are for practice
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
