The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
