went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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