i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The beer is more important than you right now.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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