Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
