Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
