Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
So vagazzling was a success
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
