You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
