they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
