I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
