looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize