I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
