Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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