Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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