Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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