he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
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