Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
