Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
