So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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