Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
