I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize