I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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