Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
