i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
