thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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