ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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