i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Someone shattered a urinal.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
