well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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