"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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