his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
