I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
