Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
40s are totally the cure
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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